Cricket tamasha, the TV way!

After stumps at Day III of the Ahmedabad Test match, a TV correspondent makes the worst possible mockery of the game of cricket, courtesy his blissful ignorance.


(Bored by all-Obama bites and visuals on TV, I chose to go for some cricket analysis)

Anchor in the studio: What do you make of today’s play?

Reporter: The century by Rose Taylor (Jessy Rider was the lone centurion) has put NZ back on track. (So far, not so bad. Maybe, just a slip of tongue)

Anchor: You’ve covered many matches at Motera (Expectations heightened!). What should be the strategy of MSD tomorrow, on Day IV?

Reporter: See, the match is headed for a draw. (It wasn’t by any means then). If Indians manage to take a couple of wickets by lunch and a couple more at stumps (taking total wickets to fall to 9. Why leave one?), India can get crawl back in the match.

(He preserves one wicket for the last day !!! and expects the remaining two innings to finish in less than a day’s play)

The anchor senses that his colleague was not making much sense and chips in: Dhoni must try and bowl NZ out before lunch and, by way of a possible blitzkrieg from Sehwag, India can set a target for NZ.

The reporter, bent on putting his nonsensical theory across, insisted: If India take two wickets by lunch and another two at stumps, Day V can well turn India’s way. Otherwise the match is poised for a tame draw.

(Why two wickets a session??? After the NZ skipper, there was not much batting to follow. And why leave one wicket for Day V?)

The anchor changes the subject: The NZ spinners took the last seven wickets. Why do you think our spinners failed to use the track to their advantage?

The reporter makes several retired players and those who did not bowl at all “roll their arms over” without much success. (He was not even aware of who all are playing – keeps looking at sheet of paper he’s holding while presenting his idiotic ideas)

He again gets back to his “incredible” theory of India trying to take wickets of four tailenders in the three sessions of play, with the same élan, leaving the last one for the final day!

The anchor, while politely dismissing the idea, concludes the chat by putting a theory across (and rightly so) that India must bowl out NZ quickly and score briskly to set a target and make a match out of what may be heading for a draw.

And he sheepishly thanks the reporter.

Phewww!!!